Learning to fly

Already Gone- Kelly Clarkson

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you
Now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

he told me he missed me. and that no one "works" with him like i do. that he has tried sooo hard to get over me but yet everything reminds me of him and no girl is smart enough. he said that he over analyzes our relationship everyday. and realizes that he could never really find a reason to ever break up with me. but yet he knows that we needed space and time to learn things. He told me he misses our date nights and he has new places that he wants to take me. that he dosent want to date but to have me at the end of the day.. ahh

"I trust ure decisions

and if they don't work out, the hell with it. we can recover through girl time, tunes, nd alcohol

and if they do

well..we can still do that stuff"

- Taylor

"right now u two r just in limbo. So it sux cuz u don't know how to be with eachother or what to expect. Just go with a chill attitude and don't expect him to be anything more than an accessory on ur arm."

- My Big sister.

sooooo true.

I've agreed to join the journal yet again. Perhaps the purging of my own thoughts, ideas, and meaningless day to day activities will in some way save my friends from having to continuesly listen to my madness.

So I have a broken heart that just won't seem to seal. A boyfriend who is about as different from me as night and day, but for some reason keeps coming back. An anxiety problem because my parents don't know how to deal with a 19 year old. And I have a void.

A stripper. Ha really?! And she was at the infamous "birthday party". I suppose you don't really realize how much the pain of finding out something that you were not supposed too... untill you do. Untill you are that "other person". Fuckin shit, its like if your gonna do something bad... at least attempt to hide it?! But I found out. There she was on the internet... stupid skinny-belly button pierced- fried hair- nor cal- stripper chick. Vanessa Edwig. Edwig..? really? What nationality gets you the last name Edwig. Wasen't there a movie about a tranvesitite called Hedwig?? Ha. Seems about right.

I wish I could stop caring. So please let me know when that elixer becomes available.

Alex comes home today. Finnally.

"Between The Lines"

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times

My memory is cruel
Im queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines

I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me be
You and me always be

I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost ready
When he meant let go

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines

Summerlong - Kathleen Edwards

I know how to play this game
one, two, three and I'm safe
count real slow to five
you couldn't keep me around if you tried

I know how to beat the rage
of my tender age
touch me once in the hall
but don't look back and don't call

There are some things I can hardly say
You've got me feeling a brand new way
Please don't let this be summerlong

And I used to play this game
in the middle lane
pass them all on the inside
and don't get caught in a lie

There are some things I can hardly say
You've got me feeling a brand new way
Please don't let this be summerlong
Cuz I want to stay

All the nights and wasted time
trying to get my head to change its mind
all the talk of what it could be
when it never was

There are some things I can hardly say
You've got me feeling a brand new way
Please don't let this be just summerlong
Please don't let this be summerlong
Cuz I want to stay